How To Decide What You Want.

If there’s anything that we don’t need more of in our lives, it’s confusion.

What is real or ‘fake’ news? Where is safe to go on holiday these days? What’s actually happening with Brexit? And what are we going to have for dinner tonight…?

Some things are out of our hands, but others are still very much in them. This kind of power comes with a caveat of responsibility. The kind of responsibility that can make us prone to procrastination and paralysed by the possibilities if we don’t know what we want.

A lot of the work I do as a Spiritual Transformation Coach centres around helping people to find their why and what they really want to do next, because when we fall into the trap of going along with what other people want for us — we wind up desperately unhappy. Being able to make decisions that are truly founded on a basis of knowing what you desire - and what will add to your life rather than taking away from it - is a skill that is learned over time by trial and error. So, I want to give you some shortcuts :

Decision Hack #1

Pick up a pen and paper. Something happens when we start writing that is akin to a knotted ball of wool unravelling. Seeing our tangled thoughts out on a page allows us to make sense of them in a way that we just aren’t able to when they’re trapped in our mind. Brainstorm, make a spider diagram, write a list or whatever else you need to do to get your jumbled thoughts out into the open. It’s a lot easier to make a decision when the options are literally right there in front of you.

Decision Hack #2

Say yes anyway. As I said earlier, learning how to make good decisions is often a result of trial and error — so if you really don’t know which way to go, why not just go for it and see what happens? Obviously you will still have to assess whether this is realistically sensible for you, but sometimes we can delay a decision out of fear; like a fear of change or a fear of being judged for what we really want. Deciding to throw caution to the wind and just go for it even when you’re still unsure of the outcome can set you free from procrastination and reveal what you do or don’t want.

Decision Hack #3

Phone a friend. The effect of an outside source reflecting back to us what we know but don’t want to face can be invaluable. Often the people that we love are able to discern what’s a bad decision for us when we can’t see it clearly yet through our own thoughts, illusions and delusions. This isn’t to say that we should rely on others to tell us what to do — but that if you’re really struggling to choose, an outside opinion could help.

Decision Hack #4

Try to trust your intuition and listen to your gut. This is so much easier to say than to do, but it’s also so underrated. In Western society, we’re usually taught to favour logic instead of what we feel to be true, even though there is an ineffable accuracy to that instinct that we can’t quite define. Your first answer that comes through when you haven’t put your mind to work yet will be the one that’s right for you. Sometimes deciding what you want is a question of faith and believing what you already felt, instead of doubting it away in your mind.

Decision Hack #5

Ask for a sign. Whether you believe it’s the Universe giving it to you or your brain focusing on the information that it thinks is important, noticing signs and synchronicities that seem to be pointing you towards a certain direction can be really comforting. I moved to Glastonbury, England after being stopped at traffic lights in my car and asking for a sign. I had never even visited the town but felt a calling to go, and because I couldn’t base my feelings or decision on logic - I asked for a sign instead. At that very moment, a double decker bus drove past in front of me with a message on the side. Six months later, I was living in my new flat on Glastonbury high street.

Deep down we all know what we want, but with so many opinions filtering through our brain each day it can get harder to spot what will truly make us happy. Hopefully with these 5 simple hacks you can quickly become unstuck the next time that you feel unsure about what it is that you really want…

And remember — you can never make another bad decision in your life as long as you’re always willing to learn the lesson that will help you to make better choices in the future. Avoid confusion and uncertainty by trusting your instincts, and if you can’t decide which route is right for you: why not just take the next step forward and see what happens?

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